Thoughts and Feelings on "The Fault In Our Stars"

Dear __________,

I am writing this letter to you because you are the perfect person
who will understand everything
I have to say about this book because
you were the one who gave it to me.

And it's sweet, almost as sweet as how Hazel Grace introduced An Imperial Affliction to Augustus.

Thank you, by the way. I couldn't be more thankful. You could have given me a pair of socks or a set of hair clips but you've given me this book. Thanks, really.

I liked it how Peter Vanhouten turned out to be a douchebag. To be honest, I kind of imagined him as a sophisticated man who wears a suit, looking handsome and sharp. But he wasn't like that. He was a fat-bellied, rich, angry man and proudly alcoholic. I bet that's the last thing Hazel and Augustus have imagined him to be. Indeed, the world is not a wish granting factory. People are not what they seem. People are never what we want them to be.

I like it how Augustus took Isaac to "egg" Monica's car, plainly because people like her deserve to have their cars "egged" for breaking a heart. But seriously, the egg-throwing is still kind of a "nice" revenge compared to those that I can think of.


And though parts of me hate Monica for leaving Isaac like that, I understand her. What she did was an act of self-preservation because maybe she loved him too much that it would have killed her slowly to see Isaac go blind. But I will never know for sure.

I liked it how Carolyn Mathers died because she was a bitch or maybe the tumor made her a bitch. Whatever.

I liked it how Hazel never got her answers about Anna's mom. I really wanna know the answers too, but that's the thing about life and books, sometimes you don't get answers.

I liked it how Augustus' lips were parted when Hazel Grace kissed him at the Anne Frank museum in Amsterdam because in my relatively short encounters with the kissing experience itself, I believe that it is one of the best things that we, humans, can do to each other.  Please don't laugh. I knew you'll laugh.

I was sobbing from Chapter 21 all the way through. I was at McDonald's when I read that Augustus died 8 days after his prefuneral and I had to go home because I wasn't accustomed to crying helplessly over a book amidst audiences. So I left and continued sobbing and reading at home.

I kind of felt Hazel's pain when she said she never got a hold of Gus' scent after that time she tucked herself in his sheets days after he passed away. Have you heard of the fact that humans don't have olfactory memory? We can only remember a scent we once smelled by smelling it again. When you haven't seen someone you love in a really long time, even the smallest thing as smelling their scent will feel like heaven.And never getting a hold of that scent ever again kind of suck and hurt.To borrow a line from All American Reject's Heartbeat Slowing Down, "I bury my face in your pillow just to smell your perfume".

I love it how even if Gus thought his chances of finding a great girl that will fall in love with him (and get him laid) is pretty low, almost close to impossible (Venn Diagram), still he found Hazel Grace. One big fat reminder that there's someone out there great, someone who despite our shittyness would love us, including our (metaphorically) amputated parts. And we never have to settle for whoever's "just right". Someone out there would amazingly understand us and love us even if we are grenades or other worse things that are potentially hurtful.

I loved it how Hazel's dad cries all the time because tears mean sincerity and honesty and all else that's true like love and fear.

I loved the line: "some infinities are bigger than other infinities." because eventhough we are humbled by the truth that our lives are but vapors that could banish at any moment, we are comforted by the fact that we have been given the chance to love and be loved - and that love will be our own infinity, lasting beyond our lifetimes.

I loved how caring, strong, super cool and unconditionally loving Hazel's mom was and I want to be that kind of mother someday. (But no kid with cancer please)

I loved it when Augustus spent his wish for Hazel because it was selfless and kind and strangely sexy!

I loved it how Augustus used to play basketball and was good at it just because, again, it's sexy. And I also loved how it was only Hazel who knew that he didn't like the game anymore because it's nice to share intimate truths with that special person.

And the thing about the universe wanting to be noticed but it is really us humans who want to feel like we matter is the truest thing there is. Hence, people's Facebook posts.

I loved how Gus loved Hazel because he was fearless and he poured out everything he can for her. I loved how Hazel loved Augustus because despite her condition, her fears and insecurities, she dove into it - with full acceptance that one will outlive the other.

Maybe it's true that when you fight for it hard enough it becomes worth it in the end.

I loved it how even in the last few days of Augustus' short life, he still managed to come up with an amazing love gesture for Hazel Grace (the eulogy). Because maybe when you truly love someone you can't stop showing them even if you're dying.

There'r a million more things that I love about this book but honestly, I love it especially because you were the one who gave it to me.

Thanks for reading.

MUCH LOVE,
J

To the biggest barkada in 4CA3 :)

First day of school noon, lahat yata ng taong nakita ko na tumayo sa harap ng room 213, natanong ko kung anong block sila. Hindi pa ako sure kung ano talaga ibig sbihin ng word na "block" sa college, pero dahil masyadong High school-ish yung "section", sinabi ko nalang block 1CA3 ako.

After a few minutes, I can still remember it quite vividly, when I saw this girlaloo who looked like she was lost. So just like everyone else, I asked her which block she belongs to. Fortunately, both of us were destined to be in 1CA3. We entered the room and I sat next to her. I didn't know why of all people that I have talked to and approached that day, I chose to sit beside this girl. We introduced ourselves to each other and I asked for her number. I tried typing her name in my phone but she politely said "sabi ko na mali e". Just like many of us, once upon a time, namali din ako sa spelling ng name niya. The name is EUNISSE.

I didn't know that that girl whose name was so hard to spell would be my college buddy for better or for worse, for hunger or for bloated-ness.

Months passed by, I wasn't the easiest person to get along with, and so was she. I can say that our friendship, just like metamorphosis, undergone a process which slowly turned into something more beautiful than we ever expected. Chos. Metamorphosis pa daw. Hahahahaha. (Kakanood ko lang ng "It Takes A Man And A Woman") Kasi naman, tignan niyo tong pictures namin, through jeje times, through payat-ness and taba-ness, may bangs o wala, maitim o maputi, short hair or long hair, pinag-daanan namin lahat yan together! :)

Sa dami ng group works or partner works na nalampasan namin kahit minsan hindi kami nag-away ng bonnga. Alam kong naiinis siya sakin, minsan ako din sa kanya pero normal lang yun. Sa apat na taon ba naman ng pressure at kung ano anong stress, sobrang galing lang talaga namin na na-maintain namin yung real friendship na walang hidden feelings or backstab-an.

Yung pressure at stress ng 4 years nakakapang-hingalo, nakakasira ng relationships but we went through all that and it made us better and stronger, never falling apart. Imagine: thesis at IMC palang OA na sa ngarag, eh magka-group kami sa parehong 'yon. Di pa kasama yung mga singit singit na prods, papers at activities na dagdag sa eyebags. Hanggang sa paghahanap ng pag-oojt-han, kami ang mag-kasama.
Eunisse de leon: my forever college kakampi.

Di sapat ang isang blog post para i-kwento lahat pero eto nalang muna nag shortcut. Abangan mo nalang yung portion na to sa Biography ko. :))))

Seldom can one find a friend that's so real, honest, reliable, and fun to be with. Gets na gets niya ko. Gets na gets ko din siya. Affectionate akong tao, mayakap at ma-kiss. Affectionate din naman siya but siguro, she expresses it in a diffferent way. We had to adjust sa kung ano ako at kung paano siya. And I'm proud that we were able to build a friendship that meets both of us halfway.

Dear Eunisse,

Hahahaha. Ito yung ganti ko sa surprise gift at letter mo na nakakabaliw.Sayang hindi natin nakainan lahat ng kainan around UST pero someday babalik tayo dun at bibilhin natin silang lahat! Pati yung Simple Line!
Pero seriosuly, thank you for making my college life fun and bearable, for being real and for always being there. Mula sa pagpapaload hanggang sa pag-bili ng sapatos sa over pass, thank you. Hahahaha. Salamat sa pag-totolerate mo sa kabaliawn ko kay Jeric Fortuna kahit minsan too much info na ang na-sheshare ko dahil sa kaka-stalk ko sa kanya. Hahahaha! Salamat sa patience at sa honesty. Mamimiss kita friend. Huhuhuhu. Ayoko naaaaaaa. Hahahahha.

Hindi kita sasabihan ng good luck kasi alam kong kahit walang luck magiging successful ka. You have the character  and the ability to reach your dreams. Susuportahan kita sa pagiging president mo ng Kpop fans club at sa addiction mo sa Kdramas. Invite mo din ako sa kasal mo, binyag ng anak mo pati sa libing mo. (De Leon, 2013) Hahahahahaha. Basta we'll stay friends forever, promise!

Love you, friend!

400,000 hugs and kisses din! (De Leon, 2013) Hahahaha

P.S. Nasan na yung powerpoint presentation na 4 years mong pinag-isipan? Excited na ko makita Hahahahah :))


Mamimiss talaga kita. Pati yung moments na nag-iisip tayo ng mga kamuka ng mga tao. Pati yung pag-susum up natin ng mga dapat gawin kapag nasa tapat na tayo ng carpark bago umuwi. Tsaka yung pag-chichismisan natin sa chatbox, yung mga knock knock jokes, yung pamamanhid ng paa natin sa TYK, pag-pilit ko sayo mag-milktea, pag-jebs mo sa dorm namin, sisig moments, pag-CR,horror stories at yung common crush natin. :))))

CONGRATULATIONS SATIN. NA-KAYA NATIN ANG LAHAT. WOOOH!
See you again soon! :*

Yung friend mo na kamukha ng tutor mo,
Jan Lois <3

What My Lunch Made Me Realize

So today I went to the mall to buy a gift for my Dad this Father's Day. After an hour of searching, I finally settled for a McJim Leather Belt which I know my dad would use very often.
After looking around (kasi I don't have money to shop) I felt I was already hungry and went to Pizza Hut for lunch.

I was almost tempted to go for my usual order: Spaghetti and Iced Tea. Why? Because first, it's not that pricey and second, it's safe and convenient. I'm pretty sure of its taste, I'd never have to wonder whether I'd like the food or not because I've tried it a hundred times and for me it's good enough.
But a thought changed my mind. I realized It wont hurt to try something else.
I ordered for a Fettuccine Ala King and a Tropical Fizz. It didn't cost me that much but I've tried something new and realized something too.

It's supposed to look more delicious than this but camera phone sucks.

Here comes my latest realization.

I have always been the type of person who always stays at the safe side. I rarely risk. Oftentimes I over-think things. I hate being caught on situations unprepared. I prefer knowing before-hand. I'd spend more than an hour looking for a movie to watch: reading plots, watching trailers going through reviews and comments. It happens to me all the time. My night would be wasted trying to find a good movie just because I don't want to risk my two hours on a non-sense film. Little did I know, I was already wasting too much of my time by endlessly searching.

Why can't I just sit back and relax and try something new and not worry about whether the movie will turn out good or bad? Why can't I just go with the flow and for once, try something new? Why can't I break-free from my daily routine and my usual patterns? Why can't I just try something else? Because I am seriously getting bored of the USUAL.

It never occurred to me that a bunch of Fettuccine and a Tropical-whatever-drink would somehow make me think about a lot of things. This instance is just a tiny little thing, actually. I can choose not to reflect on it, but I realized it's worth pondering on. It's not much of a big deal if I'm a play-safe-person kasi that's just one part of my personality. But this whole Fettuccine thing really did me good.

Now that I'm writing this blog, it came to me just now... I realized that this whole boredom-of-my-usual-preferences-stuff has been bugging me for several weeks now. It's just today that I started to be serious on acting upon it. But unknowingly, I have been actually doing something upon it, I remembered that for the past 2 weeks, I have been ordering different flavors of milk tea; which is new for me since I have been alternately ordering coffee konjac and Tapioca Black for the past 2 years EVERYDAY.
 It really doesn't hurt to try something else. If it tastes bad, it's worth the experience, if it tastes good, then I got myself a new addiction!

Besides, how would you know if something better is out there if you won't try and find out for yourself?

I found that with little things, I can make myself happy by exploring and knowing what else is out there. From now on, I choose to explore. I'd go out there with openness while embracing the possibilities... BECAUSE IT'S A VERY FREEING WAY TO LIVE.


So that's what I've learned today. Never thought that food and drinks could actually make me realize a whole lot of things. :)

My Internship @ JobStreet.com

Total hours required: 200 hrs

Company: JobStreet.com Philippines, Inc. (Marketing Dept.)

20/F Cybergate Tower 3, Pioneer St., Mandaluyong City

Date Started: April 10, 2012

Date Finished:  May 18, 2012

I was on LRT EDSA station, roaming around, running late for my first day of work, not knowing which way to go, completely lost in the midst of rushing people in the hugeness of the Metro. I went out the train station, giving up the hope of getting to my workplace on-time after seeing that kilometric lane of people at the ticket booth. So I tried my luck outside, confident that I can always catch a taxi anytime. After an hour of walking and waiving, I finally got a cab to take me to my workplace in Pioneer St., Mandaluyong.

The Office

When I got to JobStreet’s office, people were already going home and the place seemed untidy and flooded. I thought baka nag-lilinis lang. But after a few minutes, the HR told us that the place was actually flooded after a faucet was left leaking during the Holy Week holidays. Unfortunately, computers were broken and papers were wet. It didn’t take long when my boss, Ma’am Cai, called me to give me some take home assignments since there will be no office for that day.

So I went home and did that take-home task and went to office the next day. A week went on doing writing tasks like letters, articles and also assisting the bosses. I was already having fun when a project was assigned to me, The I Found Mine Campaign.( I will kwento about this in another post.) I began to have even more fun.  

Preps for IFM Launch

After the IFM, I was assigned to another task: updating the School Database. I was calling up some 218 universities around NCR updating their contact details. It seems like it’s an easy task, but believe me when I say that it’s crazily HARD. People on the phone are not always kind, sometimes they lose their etiquette, and my patience wasn’t that long. Also, I wasn’t really used to using the Microsoft Excel and with that task; I was forced to learn how it really works. The tiny letters and the “nakakalito-ness” of the whole thing have actually stretched my patience and logical skills. I’m glad na-kaya ko. I was able finish it with the help of my fellow interns and Ma’am Kheng, the Marketing Assistant.  After NCR, north and south Luzon naman. Then after updating those databases, I sent invitations via email to school administrators, including those in Cebu, for the upcoming Career Congress on June. I follow up and receive confirmations and file piles of documents. It took me several weeks to finish it. Some random tasks were also assigned to me like inquiring for Pep Squad services, answering phone calls and one time, I assisted for a shoot for an interview with an HR Officer of JobStreet with a TV5 morning show. Some random secretariat tasks, attending meetings and preparing for events were the things that kept me busy for weeks. 

On my last day at work, when supposedly I was to be in office for only 3 hours to complete the required 200 hours, I ended up spending 11 more because we went to an event, a job fair in Clark, Pampanga. I could have just stayed in the office for a half-day but I couldn’t let the chance pass without ever experiencing how it was to organize an event. So even though I was tired the whole day and though my whole body is shouting ouch, and my mind wants to go blank for lack of sleep, I pushed through because I was happy with what I’m doing. Work doesn’t seem like work at all. I was inspired and happy and inspired and happy. You read it right, not a typo error; I was really very inspired and happy.

w/ Ma'am Shella, after Pampanga event

w/ Ma'am Cai, the best boss :)

During the one-hour lunch break everyday, I eat at the Forum mall near the Cybergate Tower 3 where foods are actually good but are a little bit pricey. Sometimes I eat with friends who were also having their internship near the area. And sometimes, we interns, would eat together with the Marketing department people. During this one hour break, I look around me and lots and lots of thoughts occupy my mind: about what will happen to me after graduation; about the hundreds of employees I see and whether they are happy with their jobs or not; whether I would work in that same place in the future or not; and how I can afford to eat out in pricey restaurants with big meals someday. Lots of questions, indeed but honestly, the last one mattered the most than others. Haha. I  Have this bad habit of buying myself large and delicious meals as a reward for working so hard and for waking up so early in the morning. Food is my one and only vice. Food sips out my allowance really fast.

the window view

Though the hours were long and the tasks were exhausting, days went on fast because I enjoy the company of people I work with. They are really fun to be with. The laughter and smiles,  their jokes and teasing around made my day. But it never cease to amaze me how such cheerful people could be so smart and professional at the same time. One thing is true, they are good at what they do, and someday I want to be like them too. As they assign tasks to us, they assist and teach us too. They help us learn and understand  how things really work, especially Ma’am Cai. And though she’s really busy, she takes time to help me learn things not only in the business world but lessons about real life.  I owe her a lot of thanks.

Over-time, fun times...

My journey to the office, that one and a half hour everyday, and that very long bus ride, with the traffic and the pollution; I used to hate them all. But now, I miss it… excluding the terrifying part of walking along Cubao at night, that, I won’t miss. Never. 

A lot of people were asking me why I opted to have my internship with JobStreet, why not in the country’s leading TV Networks, why not in any other company which is closer to my major. I say I have been studying advertising and production for how many years already, and though I would want to practice them, I prefer to widen both my knowledge and skills by not concentrating in only one field. And I was right when I chose JobStreet, I learned production, advertising, marketing, and writing altogether. I was never asked to make coffee, not a mean word was said to me. I learned and had fun more than I hoped for. No regrets, just a huge pile of thanks.

208 hours or a month and a week, I learned too many things.  If only Mandaluyong City would be one ride away from my place here in Cabanatuan, I would love to work until the last day of my summer vacation. I thank JobStreet.com for giving me the best internship experience. They truly deserve to be the No.1 job site in the Philippines for they give a lot of Filipinos better lives through better careers. 

Before I went for Jobstreet, I was praying for another company to accept me. Of course I was depressed and disappointed after knowing that I failed to get in. But after several weeks, I realized JobStreet was well worth it. 

Internship may just be a 3-unit requirement, but its value and importance to students is immeasurable. It is far more important than other irrelevant subjects and others  taught by lazy and inconsiderate professors. 

After eleven months, I will be graduating from college and then I would look back on my journey to that special day. I’d be thanking God for bringing me to JobStreet and not anywhere else.

Welcome me back, blog! :)

It’s been a while since I last wrote here. I have to admit, I have been crazily busy and lazy these past few months. If anybody happens to read my blog, please forgive me for not updating this since forever. School, internship, Sims 3 and sleep took much of my time. 

Anyway, since it’s already untimely to blog about the things I have listed too many months ago, I will only blog about the most recent adventures I jump into. I have to say this: it discourages me every time I see the list of all my unaccomplished posts, those that will only remain to be titles forever. Sayang, if only I wasn’t that busy and lazy, I could have gathered some more blog traffic.

There’s one thing I’ve learned from both blogging and writing on my planner: that you cannot actually bring back time, both literally and figuratively. 

Literally: although Mr. Einstein already started the possibility to time travel, until scientists get a little bit smarter to continue that, we will still be unable to bring back nor advance time. 

Figuratively: It is hard to write about something that is not already fresh in your memory. I learned that it is important to write about things while you can still say “it just happened” while you can remember every detail vividly, when you still feel that feeling, while all the thoughts are still accurate; because if not, you will end up being too lazy to write about it anymore for you have already lost the excitement and momentum.

Bottomline: Whether it’s laziness or busyness that keeps you from writing, if you feel that you really have to write about something, PLEASE DO. You can never write as beautifully as while you are IN THAT MOMENT.

So I’ve learned that already, not promising that I won’t stop blogging again, though. But expect me to write more this time. :)

Thanks, friends!

-END-

PASKUHAN with Abz :)

Normally, people would go to UST Paskuhan with their college friends and acquaintances, but I do just the opposite -- I went with my High school friends. And just like every night-out with them, we had so much fun. :)

Not that I hate my college friends, or I don't like being with them, because I do. It's just that it's been a tradition for us, Manila ABZ, to attend Paskuhan and sleep over in someone's condo after.

Sobrang daming tao, ang hirap maka-contact at ang hirap hanapin nung place sa field. Ang hirap tumapak sa manila paper ng my manila paper. ang hirap sumingit, mag-cr at ang hirap maligaw -- my annual Paskuhan Problems.
But despite those, I still arranged everything for ABZ. I posted sa group namin weeks before, even advertised it para mas nakakagana. I bought manila paper, mineral water, some chips, and chocolates. I coordinated kung sino pwedeng umampon samin and kung kaninong condo pwedeng mag-sleep over. and just like last year, sobrang sakit ng paa ko dahil sa pabalik-balik sa gate sa pag-sundo sa kanila kasi iba't ibang time sila dumating. The time and the effort -- but then worth it pa rin lahat.

The laughs. The reminiscing of old memories. The good conversations. The singing with the band. The fireworks. The pictures.  The long wait in KFC.The journey to Timog. The long walk. That madaling-araw meal.The horror movie. The few hours of sleep. And the missing USB. :)))
They're surely worth the pagod and the inis of setting up a get -together.

I dont know, but there's just a feeling that I feel that whenever I'm with them, everything odd fades -- and everything good shines like a dragon firework. :))

I love you guys.. sa susunod na Paskuha ulit.

Friends and other Painkillers

I don't know how they do it, but there are people in our lives, in mine especially, who never fails to just be there and love you all the way. During the sembreak, we had plenty of random dates and meet ups, we used to do this but not quite often because we're school busy.. but in those 2 weeks, it felt like time won't end.

It's the feeling that whatever happens, i'll be just fine because they are there. the comfort, the ease, the absolutely-no-judgment guarantee, that even with my make-up smudged or even if I fart out loud, or even if my hair doesn't look nice, and though I rant about the same things for several years, despite all the unlovely things about me and all the stuffs that I cannot do, we're still friends.

If the world is a big department store, i think FRIENDS are the best and the ultimate freebies that you get.
Lorraine, Trizian, Kim and Kimmie, you know I love you guys, i tell you that a lot.. so less the drama, I'm gonna tell you I miss you and I'll see you soon! :) <3

SEE US IN OUR NOT SO GLAMOROUS PHOTOS. :))