The Lovers' Lane and the Moon

Photo by Mr. Russell Pua

Several weeks ago, before I even made this blog.. I was walking alone in UST Lovers' Lane, as I was making my way to my Dorm. As the name implies, it is the Lovers' Lane, where the moon shines so bright, where everyone has another hand to hold, where couples have these heart-shaped eyes as they gaze in each other, where everyone seems to be so sweet and in-love, everyone seems to be so happy.. and it's contagious! But then, it is also a place where I probably don't belong.
I am used to this scenario.. because it is not only in Lovers Lane where I get to see sick people like them, they are everywhere, like Jollibee, they're omnipotent.


I felt a little amount of envy deep inside. Okay, I felt a lot of envy deep inside. Haha. I felt it running through my veins. I felt the sudden surge of emotions putting thoughts in my head like, 'Why in the world am I alone?'. I have asked the same question to myself a gazillion times, in different circumstances, for a lot of different reasons. But it was only then, right at that very moment, at the sight of UST's very dramatic and melancholic ambience at night, and in the midst of sweethearts making PDA all around, have I had an answer to my own question.

It is because I have chosen to be in that situation. It was my choice. The whole thing was according to my own preference and decision. Nobody, in anyway, forced me or held me back. I could have chosen to just ride a trike or walk along Lacson St., or in any other route other than Lovers' Lane. Yes, I had a choice. I had a choice not to have walked in Lovers' Lane as much as I had a choice about not having someone to hold my hand and walk me home that night.

I had my chances to choose the other way around. But I didn't. And if I had felt sad or envy or jealous or lonely, that was my fault. I have myself to blame. But then, I have realized that night, I have nothing to regret. I have enough reasons why I opted to let go of my chances, why I decided to be in such a situation, and I why I was alone walking along amidst lovers. It was a tough thing to go through, but I got through it.

I may be alone for the moment, (Okay, I've been alone for quite a time) but I know I am happy, I am whole. At least my happiness is NOT ARTIFICIAL. It is pure, it is real. And for me, that is enough to keep me alive and strong to go through Lovers' Lane alone, over and over again. It is quite an assurance that someday, I will get my chance to walk in that same place with someone's hand to hold and someone's heart to love and keep, truthfully and unconditionally. And when that time comes, I am sure to bring a nice camera with me, I will be taking a lot of pictures with him, atleast to make up for the times that I was dead envious. Haha.
So before this gets a little bit way beyond the line, I'm gonna leave it like this. Byiii :)

*I was listening to John Mayer's Heartbreak Warfare as I write this. :)